Water for Elephants

I try to live my life by the lyrics of Journey songs. I find they can be applied to almost any situation, and when Steve Perry’s golden soprano murmurs advice in my ear, I would be a fool not to listen. Just today, I heard him whisper Circus life under the big top world, we all need the clowns to make us laugh . . . Continue reading

Taxman! Get Bent!

Every single morning, I get in my car and drive in a straight line. My office is 12 miles due west from my home, and I mean that literally. I have found that since I don’t need to turn, I can lock the steering wheel into position by hooking a bungee cord to the door handle, leaving my hands free for sexting and cleaning out my purse. I found $1.87 in the lining yesterday – sweet!

It’s a fascinating route, watching the various ethnic signs change as the neighborhoods do. One block has six dog spas on it; a few miles later, the storefronts are encouraging to you to train your pet as an attack canine, making you wonder exactly what happened between those two locations. Even the graffiti is in different languages – apparently some of the Latin Kings have studied Polish. Continue reading

Cedar Rapids

The Iowa Film Commission must have one hell of a public relations staff, because how else do you explain the fascination Hollywood has for making movies there? I’m guessing that when studio executives are pitched a story involving a location that is neither east nor west coast based, they kind of wave their hands vaguely and settle on Iowa because they can’t name any other states that are in the middle of the country. And that Field of Dreams tagline about this not being heaven doesn’t hurt, either. But I’m not sure if Iowa should really consider all this attention a good thing. In the list of films that have featured the state, some of the topics covered are aliens (Starman), tornadoes (Twister), kiddy-cult murderers (Children of the Corn), more aliens, this time as slugs (The PuppetMasters), covered bridges/infidelity (The Bridges of Madison County), dying of cancer (Terms of Endearment) and the main export of Iowa, meth (Iowa). And I’m not even going to get into Zadar, Cow from Hell, although I am planning on streaming it from Netflicks tomorrow. Continue reading

Win Win

Sometimes sexy is hard to define. You’ve got your really obvious gorgeous leading men – George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Mark Wahlberg – most people would agree that physically, these people have profiles that would not be out-of-place on a commemorative coin. Put Marky Mark’s abs on that train wreck that was Susan B. Anthony’s dollar, and people will carry that sucker around in their pockets just so they can rub their fingers over the ridges. Think how happy it would make blind people! Continue reading